Conviction

I was reading the blog of a dear friend and was convicted of my lack of desire for the things of God.
A few questions come to mind.
Do I fill my mind with the things of God? Well er.... sometimes.
What kind of an answer is that? How cheap am I? I say I'm a Christian, I believe I will go to heaven and all that stuff. How absurd that I would flirt with the world and then think that its okay or even that God is still pleased with my behavior. (Sheesh, you'd think I was smarter than that.)
Second question. Do I desire God? Well, apparently not. I want my stuff, to go my way, and have my time. I fear that I must be "living a holy life doing nothing fun." Yikes, all of this seems so silly yet so serious. What seems to be my problem? I should know better than this, right.
Third thing I have to say is that, "I am Proud." There I said it and you had better believe it baby!
So now what is my problem? Well first I am not humble. I usually won't accept that I'm wrong nor am I willing to give up having what I want. When I feel like it, I make a really good christian. So, I happen to be a great faker. What a bummer for me, I am missing out on the joy and delight of serving God for real.
Where does that put me? A stinking sinner just like the rest of us. Except for what 1 John 1:9 tells me "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." And then of course now that I'm forgiven I have to have somwhere to go.
1 John 4:7-12 ^"7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." There goes my freedom to have what I want.......right out the window.
So now you know