So I figure it's probably time for me to post again. I haven't decided what emotional direction this one will take but I will be a creature of habit and start it with a story.
It was a dark and stormy night and the men said to their Captain "Tell us a tale!" And this is the tale he told: "It was a dark and stormy night....." Right, how about not.
It really was dark but that is still no excuse. I was shuffling off to do my dear mothers bidding and I walked betwixt the trailer and the van while forgetting that the two were joined in matrimony. The old shin whacks the hitch and over I go like a top heavy bowling pin. My face contacts the gravel and I go from a nice young man to a street fighter in a bounce or two. Curses! I see Johannes Kepler and Copernicus' theory of orbit flash before my eyes in three dimensional detail. In other words I behold the heavens with both eyes closed. I roll over to my back and drape my arm over my forehead in the pitiable position of despair. The comfort squad approaches but I fend them off with threats. A sudden burst of emotion forces itself on the overfull hoover dam.
Here I insert this comment because I am proud. It really didn't hurt that much, I actually thought it was funny. And so should you, except for the next part.
I feel the urge to cry. And of course I think to myself, "What is this, tears? Auhh! Mon Dieu! A grown man crying! What kind of lame sauce is this...." I get up and stumble over to a log and sit myself down to sort my emotions with a bloody face. WHY on EARTH am I Crying! Arghhh. I can just feel the annoyance surge over me in waves. Then more tears. And then sunshine at 9:00pm at night. Here I am taking a risk. I am a young man, I have hopes, dreams, and wants, and I have realized yet again that they are next to impossible. So this emotion is a result of discouragement, down-right sadness, some pride, a little bit of anger, I'm guessing some jealousy (for good measure) and excitement. Quite the witches brew, eh? Well I still haven't sorted it out but quite a bit of it comes down to setting goals that no one can stop you from attaining.
Huzzah! I can be undefeated if my own lazy self is my greatest enemy. A song is sometimes appropriate.
These Times -- Safteysuit
These times will try hard to define meAnd I'll try to hold my head up highBut I've seen despair here from the insideAnd it's got a one track mind
And I have this feeling in my gut nowAnd I don't know what it is I'll findDoes anybody ever feel like,You're always one step behind?
Now I'm sitting alone here in my bedI'm waiting for an answer I don't know that I'll getI cannot stand to look in the mirrorI'm failingI'm telling you these times are hardBut they will
And I know there's someone out there somewhereWho has it much worse than I doBut I have a dream inside, a perfect lifeI'd give anything just to workIt's like I'm only tryin to dig my way outOf all these thing I can't
And I amSitting alone here in my bedI'm waiting for an answer I don't know that I'll get
I cannot stand to look in the mirrorI'm failingI'm telling you these times are hardBut they will pass,They will passThey will passThese times are hardBut they will
These times will try hard to define meBut I will hold my head up high
Sitting alone here in my bedI'm waiting for an answer I don't know that I'll getI cannot stand to look in the mirrorI'm failingI'm telling you these times are hardBut they will pass
These times are hard and they will pass. I will not fail if I press on towards the goal, the prize that is promised. I may fall, but by God's help I will pick myself back up and press on to the end for he is with me through to the end.
