Here I Go Again

That Whitesnake song, 

Here I go again on my own

Going down the only road I've ever known.

Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.

And I've made up my mind.

I ain't wasting no more time

And here I go again...

Great song. We'll come back to it. I'm sitting here in New Orleans, Louisiana writing a blog post for the first time in almost a year. First because no one ever reads my blog, two because I'm a little homophobic about the implications of my writing on a blog, and three because I've been just plain been uninspired.

Did you ever dream of becoming something impossible? I always thought I'd make a great stand-up comedian, but being wheel-chair bound would make the stand-up part hard... I'm kidding about the wheel chair. I've wanted a lot of things in life. Many of them I have not wanted enough to get after it with the passion and drive necessary to accomplish. I've achieved many of them, the ones I really wanted, but many have fallen by the wayside.

I may have failed and I may have given up on some dreams, but I am not a quitter, I will be a man who pursues greatness. I will not be a "drifter" I will grab life by the horns and live it to my last breath. Because that is what matters, no cheap shots, no wasted time, some thrills and good fun, no holding out, no holding back, no reserves, no retreats, no regrets, I will not back down from a fight and I will be all that I can be. By God's grace.

Do not even think about considering me to be a motivational, feel good, "yay for success! life is so cool!" kind of a guy. Life is hard, being the best is harder, to be great is dirty and it hurts, but it is always worth it. I'm not talking about "fame and fortune and everything that goes with it..." I'm speaking of that burning desire to be something more, something impossible, something unattainable, that you discipline yourself and push yourself and stretch yourself to achieve. Something everyone else thought you would fail at something that you always feared. Conquering that, is the greatness of which I speak. Go and do...

The Dragon of Self and Loose Change

It has been almost a year since I last posted. A lot has happened. I've gotten my NREMT-B, a car, been to 10 different states on disaster relief missions, done over 300,000 push-ups and run and hiked several hundred miles. I've had to give up on hopes and dreams and been able to reopen new ones. I have, to my shame, let friendships die and then built new ones, I have searched and fasted and prayed for the will of God in my life and my future. I have watched people die, and helped bring them back, I have made a lot of mistakes and recovered from a few of them with dignity. I have met with discipline and been found wanting only sometimes on par with the standards. I have led men and learned to follow, I have learned that I, me, the great and odious self, is a monstrous dragon that will devour anything in its way. Except, that self is nothing. It it is a mere speck on the face of existence . I am so small, so tiny, I do not even need a comparison. This loathsome beast lets pride grow up within it and tear at the fiber of my being to 'rear it's ugly head' so to speak.
There is so much that has happened, so much that I have done and much that I have missed. Yet I know I am where God wants me and he will continue to provide for me in spite of my resistance to him and my failure to trust him. I am headed back to the International ALERT Academy in Big Sandy, Texas  in a few short days. I know I will be stretched and grown and made more like Christ but what I pour into it will determine what I get out of it.
I named my blog 'Passion' for multitudinous reasons. Some people have told me I have no passion, so I need more. Some have said I am depressed, (LIE!) some have said I'm a goof-ball, most say I'm a cynical, sarcastic, demeaning hunk of beef jerky. Well maybe not the beef jerky part. I desire to serve God and to advance his kingdom on earth. It will be difficult it will be hard to find he way sometimes but I am looking for a few good men and women who are devoted to the cause of Christ. I don't want his to be some sort of mamby-pamby I am a part of this support group and I like Jesus on Facebook. I want to know who wants to change the world by living out God's plan for their life. Oh boy! Where's my sarcasm meter? This is great! Let's go serve God. NO! Not that at all, I don't even know how it's gonna work but I'm willing to do what I know is right and trust God for the rest. Time is too precious to waste go do something with it.
It has been amazing year, now I will go get ready for another year of change in life.
This is not a New Years resolution: this is me being passionate about impacting the world for Christ by doing what you do best the very best you can. That's not repetitive at all...

Up, Up, and Away (a brief farewell)

Well here it is, I am off to Texas for a good 5 months to begin training as an EMT/Paramedic. I feel that I have somehow shortchanged the blog world, not really, but you know how a blog's advertising campaign goes: Get a blog so you can be an elite expressionist or just re-blog the elite expressionists of this world, or you can just get one and do absolutely nothing and feel horrible about yourself, but hey at least you can tell your friends you have a blog right?
Anyway, I still like writing when I get the chance and without having a professor hand you the topic and say: "I need 5 pages on that tomorrow morning and you can have no fun."
So perhaps you'd like to know a little about the academy I'm attending? It's pretty awesome. Its a Christian academy in Big Sandy, TX a town with one stoplight (yehaw!). They train young men to serve in various public service roles i.e. firefighting, law enforcement, search and rescue, para-medicine etc...
I thought the same thing until I saw this:

So yeah it's pretty cool. I'm really looking forward to what God will do to me and through me during this time. It will be silent at this end of things for a good while but I believe I will try to get out a few good ones (as in posts) during my summer break...

2 Peter 1:5-8 ⁵ For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; ⁶ and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; ⁷ and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. ⁸ For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Use the time you have because a man knows not his time.

--Connor

The Fall and The Flood (of emotion)

So I figure it's probably time for me to post again. I haven't decided what emotional direction this one will take but I will be a creature of habit and start it with a story.
It was a dark and stormy night and the men said to their Captain "Tell us a tale!" And this is the tale he told: "It was a dark and stormy night....." Right, how about not.
It really was dark but that is still no excuse. I was shuffling off to do my dear mothers bidding and I walked betwixt the trailer and the van while forgetting that the two were joined in matrimony. The old shin whacks the hitch and over I go like a top heavy bowling pin. My face contacts the gravel and I go from a nice young man to a street fighter in a bounce or two. Curses! I see Johannes Kepler and Copernicus' theory of orbit flash before my eyes in three dimensional detail. In other words I behold the heavens with both eyes closed. I roll over to my back and drape my arm over my forehead in the pitiable position of despair. The comfort squad approaches but I fend them off with threats. A sudden burst of emotion forces itself on the overfull hoover dam.
Here I insert this comment because I am proud. It really didn't hurt that much, I actually thought it was funny. And so should you, except for the next part.
I feel the urge to cry. And of course I think to myself, "What is this, tears? Auhh! Mon Dieu! A grown man crying! What kind of lame sauce is this...." I get up and stumble over to a log and sit myself down to sort my emotions with a bloody face. WHY on EARTH am I Crying! Arghhh. I can just feel the annoyance surge over me in waves. Then more tears. And then sunshine at 9:00pm at night. Here I am taking a risk. I am a young man, I have hopes, dreams, and wants, and I have realized yet again that they are next to impossible. So this emotion is a result of discouragement, down-right sadness, some pride, a little bit of anger, I'm guessing some jealousy (for good measure) and excitement. Quite the witches brew, eh? Well I still haven't sorted it out but quite a bit of it comes down to setting goals that no one can stop you from attaining.
Huzzah! I can be undefeated if my own lazy self is my greatest enemy. A song is sometimes appropriate.


These Times -- Safteysuit
These times will try hard to define meAnd I'll try to hold my head up highBut I've seen despair here from the insideAnd it's got a one track mind
And I have this feeling in my gut nowAnd I don't know what it is I'll findDoes anybody ever feel like,You're always one step behind?
Now I'm sitting alone here in my bedI'm waiting for an answer I don't know that I'll getI cannot stand to look in the mirrorI'm failingI'm telling you these times are hardBut they will
And I know there's someone out there somewhereWho has it much worse than I doBut I have a dream inside, a perfect lifeI'd give anything just to workIt's like I'm only tryin to dig my way outOf all these thing I can't
And I amSitting alone here in my bedI'm waiting for an answer I don't know that I'll get
I cannot stand to look in the mirrorI'm failingI'm telling you these times are hardBut they will pass,They will passThey will passThese times are hardBut they will
These times will try hard to define meBut I will hold my head up high
Sitting alone here in my bedI'm waiting for an answer I don't know that I'll getI cannot stand to look in the mirrorI'm failingI'm telling you these times are hardBut they will pass
These times are hard and they will pass. I will not fail if I press on towards the goal, the prize that is promised. I may fall, but by God's help I will pick myself back up and press on to the end for he is with me through to the end. 

Hypothesis

In an attempt to assert the hypothesis of the expected volatile reaction between two ingredients I shaped and molded the clay into a stunningly uneven cone. I had one of those cheap water bottles on the inside of the cone to be a sort of mixing chamber for my 'experiment.' I filled out a sheet of paper under the heading 'Scientific Method' with a hypothesis, a list of materials, and gave a brief description of what I was about to attempt. I was yet another homeschooler doing the ever popular: baking soda and vinegar volcano, for the umpteenth time. Is this science? According to the famous atheist Richard Dawkins, when I do it, it is not.
Dawkins states "Even if there were no actual evidence in favor of the Darwinian theory...we should still be justified in preferring it over all rival theories." He is specifically referring to Intelligent Design as that 'rival theory.' If you read Dawkins and many other scientists with years of experience under their belts they will tell you that the worldview with which you come at science action will dictate whether or not what you are doing is really science at all. Published in the scientific journal, Nature, is a quote from a Kansas State University professor which is a little more clear in stating this position: "Even if all data pointed to an intelligent designer, such an hypothesis is excluded from science because it is not naturalistic." Accordingly, if the action does not come from a naturalistic perspective it is not science at all.
It all starts with the definition of science. If you define it as "the testing of hypotheses and the development of theories based on the results of that testing. With a preconceived belief that the world is purely naturalistic and free from all supernatural invention" then its game-over for me. The uber-smart scientists have won. They are right, experimentation and theory making that comes from the perception that there is a supernatural being in the universe cannot be science. I, however, believe that science is something different. It has little or no relation to a man's worldview. It is free from the consequences of your position on God or dinosaurs or the Dodgers. At the start of an experiment you have a belief and after the experiment that belief could, remain unaffected because it is inapplicable. Second, it could be affirmed because the experiment supported your hypothesis because it was born out of that belief. Third, it could change your belief because there is no evidence to support your belief-born hypothesis. This the very effectiveness of science itself, otherwise it is completely fruitless. For the first definition science becomes an elite club of naturalists or whatever other worldview is guilty of limiting the members of club "Theistic Science." Science is designed to make those who are eager to learn, but may not know everything, far wiser about the way things work in this universe. Not to prove the theory of naturalistic origin. Science is discovery, not just proof of one's position. I think much of the scientific world, despite their brains, is slightly messed up. Prejudice ought not play any part in science.
The next step is to redefine science. A more appropriate definition of science would be "the testing of hypotheses and the development of theories based on the results of that testing with an eagerness to learn." World Book Dictionary defines science as "knowledge based on observed facts and tested truth arranged in an ordered system." Still is has no relation to someones preset beliefs. If we are required to come at experimentation with a particular belief then science becomes religion and not the discovery of truth. Many creation scientists are often accused of making science a religion. They could be guilty of doing so, but they are not guilty as charged if they are merely making and testing hypotheses with no requirement for what you believe before that.
If I pour my vinegar into the small lump of baking soda at the bottom of that clay covered water bottle I am doing science. It may not be very impressive test of reaction, not perhaps as shooting molecules through a specially designed tube to find a particles interact when they collide; nonetheless, I am testing the hypothesis that "When baking soda and vinegar are mixed they will create a release of bubbling fluid and a mixture of sodium acetate and water will be left when the reaction is finished." I have my hypothesis, I pour in the vinegar, and voila: I get the desired result, I have fun, and I am doing science.
Another long and Boring post....

A Mirror of that Greater Glory

The Fountain

I took this picture awhile ago and sent it to a close friend of mine (also a professional photographer) who edited it. This is the original version below.

See the difference? What strikes me every time I look at these two photographs, is that they are exactly the same photo but one has had the touch of one who knew what he was doing. Both also have the mark of one who is inept. I compare myself to the original photo, I am a reflection of something glorious, made in the image of God (Gen. 1:27), I have potential. But I am dull and out of focus (like the woman in the bottom right corner...). I desperately need a Savior, I need to be made new. I hold the promise of new life in Christ without a doubt. I have been saved from death and from my sin, a Christian since age 4, but I am far from what I ought to be.

As a saved man, I have been commanded to be perfect. Perfect....oh dear, what am I to do! Is this perfection attainable? Well yes and no. I will never be perfect in this life, but I will be perfected, slowly but painfully, until that day comes when I am called to glory. The journey to that perfection, what we call sanctification, is brought about by the Holy Spirit, the helper that Christ promises us. It is the making of a reflection more and more like what it reflects. I am becoming more like that which I am made to be. I have a long way to go too, or so I think. What startles me is that appearances are not what they seem.

Joshua Eddy, the young man who took the potential of the above photograph to its best and brightest in this world, has attained that perfection. His time being sanctified in this world was compete on May 5th, 2012 at 3:30pm in the Rogue river. I didn't think he was ready to go and I didn't want him to go either. That decision was God's decision to make though, not mine; but, I sure would have put in my two cents. "Psst, God, Josh isn't ready." But boy was he ever.

He, just like myself, was an ordinary photograph that needed to be made new. His sins were forgiven, just like mine by the same blood of the same Son of God. He, like myself, began that process of becoming like Christ at Salvation, but he was done sooner. He now reflects his Savior as he was created to, he now knows the glory of God like no one on this earth. I can't accelerate my growth rate to match his because that isn't my choice. But I must always be ready now, because no man knows when he will pass be it to damnation or perfection, one can know which, but never when. 

I am a photo, a mere reflection of my maker I am faded and dim. Sometimes I get out of focus. On that day when I will bear His righteousness before the throne of God as perfect a reflection of my Savior as is unimaginable to the human mind, for that day I must be ready. Do I reflect him to the world as best I can, or do pass myself off as "just another photograph about what I'm not sure?"



Conviction

I was reading the blog of a dear friend and was convicted of my lack of desire for the things of God.
A few questions come to mind.
Do I fill my mind with the things of God? Well er.... sometimes.
What kind of an answer is that? How cheap am I? I say I'm a Christian, I believe I will go to heaven and all that stuff. How absurd that I would flirt with the world and then think that its okay or even that God is still pleased with my behavior. (Sheesh, you'd think I was smarter than that.)
Second question. Do I desire God? Well, apparently not. I want my stuff, to go my way, and have my time. I fear that I must be "living a holy life doing nothing fun." Yikes, all of this seems so silly yet so serious. What seems to be my problem? I should know better than this, right.
Third thing I have to say is that, "I am Proud." There I said it and you had better believe it baby!
So now what is my problem? Well first I am not humble. I usually won't accept that I'm wrong nor am I willing to give up having what I want. When I feel like it, I make a really good christian. So, I happen to be a great faker. What a bummer for me, I am missing out on the joy and delight of serving God for real.
Where does that put me? A stinking sinner just like the rest of us. Except for what 1 John 1:9 tells me "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." And then of course now that I'm forgiven I have to have somwhere to go.
1 John 4:7-12 ^"7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." There goes my freedom to have what I want.......right out the window.
So now you know